Be Truthful to Yourself

Have you ever wondered if what you believe makes sense? or whether your standard fits the usual society standard? Society's standard keeps evolving as time passes, and sometimes I find it hard to justify my standard, especially in my journey of finding 'the one'.

Needless to say, we all always wanted the best for ourselves; hence when we're asked, "What is your type?" we often answer with a series of checklists on how we wish our ideal soulmate would be. I, myself, have that kind of checklist too. I used to want to have someone who could play basketball (because in high school, it was a thing), a good photographer, buys me ice cream every day, is a science student, doesn't smoke, etc. Many items on that list were superficial, but a few are important and non-negotiable.

Those simple checklists faded away as time passed, but some of my non-negotiable values became open for interpretation. With the social standard that keeps on evolving, I started to question whether my list makes sense or if should I change it to fit the social norm.

The most common criteria that I and maybe many of us might have/had are; Non-alcohol drinker, Non-smoker, No pre-marital sex, and have to be the same religion as we do. These checkboxes, however, become questionable. After some deep thinking and a lot of calls with my close friends, here's what I learned think are the possible reasons why our standard changes;

1. The world is not black or white

We are so used to the doctrine that our parents gave to us, t hat they expect the same standard when they were young and forced those values on us. For example, your parents wants you to find someone who is a non-alcohol drinkers. Back then alcohol drinkers are very closely related with abbusive and irresponsible people, and yet, nowdays, alcohol has its own role in social engagement and bonding for many. Some would also find social drinking or moderate alcohol consumption is pleasurable.

When the public opinion changes, it will indirectly changes your view on why should you think the way you did. Most of things are not as simple as black or white, there are a lot of grey areas. Therefore, before deciding what you want and what do you can't tolarate, you need to go in to the root causes - otherwise it will be hard for you to stand your ground when the public opinion sways.

2. You realised there's no such thing as 'perfect.'

No one in this world is perfect, not your parent, your partner or even yourself. But, if you're a perfectionist like me, it's important for us to also priorities which of our boxes are the deal breakers and which still tolarable. NGL, I had an extensive list of checkboxes that I would like my partner to ticks, but as time passes by, I learned to priorities which is non-negotiable and which is still open for discussion.

Although there's no right or wrong answer in setting up your standard, but logicially thinking, the higher your standard the smaller the chances for you to meet your 'perfect' person. This thought might have passed through your thought before and this could easily be the reason why some of your boxes are crossed out from the list.

3. A paradigm shift

Just like how you can forget about people, sometimes some principle doesn't resonate with you anymore. When you gone through deep sh*t or personal development you would probably came out the other side with a paradigm shift that changes your world based on the discoveries / enlightment when you are going through what you've gone through.

Don't feel like you have to explain the shifts that you've experienced to other people, but make sure you are accountable to yourself. 

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that some of your values might change as time passes. You will have a better understanding of what are the red flags that are intolerable and tickboxes that are still open for discussion. It's normal to experience that, and you don't have to feel like you betrayed yourself or are a hypocrite. However, know that you should not lower your standard for anyone nor change your standard to fit into a mould/person you're currently seeing. 

You're loved, valued, and deserve the best things in life. Keep holding on to the values that you believe are crucial and critical for you, and never let anyone - and I mean anyone  - tells you otherwise. Be truthful to yourself, understand why those values became your values, and hold on to the principle you have made - if you were to have a change of mind, make sure that you can justify to your younger self why you changed your mind. You can change your mind as often as you like, but you owe an explanation to your younger self. Make sure you have a strong reason why you changed your values because you will be accountable to your future and younger self.

As always, there's no right or wrong way to live your life. You just have to bring out the best version of yourself and be accountable for every action you take.

Well, that's my two cents for today, I hope you enjoyed this reflection, and if you're going through the same season, you're not alone! I'm sure millions out there feel the same - I hope these 2cents of mine help you in some sort of way. Feel free to reach out to me on my Instagram @jessicaay98 if you want to chat or talk about anything. Oh, and don't forget, this blog is open for collaboration, so if you would like to share your 2cents too, slide into my DMs and let's make it happen! As always, folks, I love ya and see you in the next blog, Mkbyeee!